This waiting really sucks.Sometimes I feel ready to go get em, like today. Only thing is waiting, as usual waiting for Pain MGMT doctors so I can work in my yard. I know i can only do a little at a time but a little everyday is better than nothing.Ready to say FTW, go back to work so I can take care of my family. I know I would have a hard time breathing but to me it is worth the sacrifice to provide for my family. I used to make good money and rarely had to say no to my girls. Now it seems like I have to say no all the time or wait until I get my SSD settlement,whenever the hell that is.It is one thing to break my own heart with what I have done to my body,  but to have included the ones I love and mean the world to me ,seems pretty selfish on my part. Does that mean I'd rather be alone....HELL NO. It just means I am a very lucky man to have them around to Love me the way I love them....Forever and Always til the end. I just have to be strong and not focus on the whys, the if's and why me. Most people do not have people in their life that I do. I wish I could keep telling my self that when I lay awake late at night feeling all alone, scared to sleep thinking I might not wake up.Hopefully ,the Lord willing he'll keep me around to see all my grandchildren and beyond.