Well I have a lot of sleepless nights.  I stress and worry over everything.  I still haven't quit smoking.  It's just to hard with everything that's going on.  I know I need to quit.  I've even questioned God as to why he hates me so much.  I don't know what I could possible do to make things right so that this curse (or what seems like one) to be lifted off of me.. I'm not a bad person.  I don't understand why I am going through so much and so many trials.  I help anyone I can.  It's driving me crazy not being able to work.  But, I have trouble with my breathing just walking up the stairs or down them even.  I can't sit in the car or anywhere long because of my back.  I have some depression going on.  I'm tired of taking medication.  But, I know I have to in order to make things easier on me.


Welp on April 6, 2012 I go to the Urologist.  I have no clue as to what they are going to do.  It will be my first meeting with them.